Letters to a younger Lizzy

I've been reading a couple versions of "letters to myself" on the various blogs i stalk..er.. read.. and I really like them! Thought I'd give it a shot!

Letters to a younger Lizzy

Dear 6 yr old me,

I know you're scared, but it'll get better. I promise. Not for a while, but it will. So for now take care of your sisters, they'll need you to distract them. Stay strong missy

Dear 13 yr old me,

I know you feel uncomfortable at home. You only have a couple years left. She will leave him. I know you're angry with her for broken promises, but one day you will understand how scary of a situation it is for her too. Don't be too hard on her. She will leave him. It's going to get real bad for the next couple years, so when your aunt moves back home in the next couple months, hang out with her as much as you can. And your grandparents will take you in whenever you need a safe zone. Your gramma will forever have your back. Remember this, you will need this info repeatedly over the next decade.

Dear 15 yr old me,

It's time to breathe. You're going to be angry for a long while, and that's ok. You're allowed to have emotions about everything now. Be as angry as you need to be, but remember your gramma has your back. You can say anything to her, and she understands you. Same with your aunt. Talk it out, because if you don't you will lose your shit. in the worst way possible. And dude, lay off the boys. They are all bad news, and only want one thing from you. You will get hurt if you keep acting the way you are around them.

Dear 16 yr old me,

You are not alone. I know you feel you are, but you are not. Try to not be so angry with her. I realize she broke her promise to you girls of "no men, just us girls for a while" but he is a good man. A very good man. Give him a chance. He will change your life for the better and you will be grateful. And once again, lay off the dudes. and do you have to party so much? You will regret some of these choices you're making when you're older. So tone it down.

Dear 17yr old me,

He is going to hurt you. I realize there is a bigger purpose for this one to be in your life. but he is going to hurt you. So prepare yourself. You are going to learn a lot about yourself and about life, and about love (or what isn't) during your relationship with him. And you are going to end up a single mom. I know you promised yourself this would never happen to you, but it will. In the hardest way possible. So be prepared.

Dear 20yr old me,

Breathe. You feel scared, and angry, and weak, and you want to give up, except you have this beautiful baby to take care of. and even tho he cries, and eats constantly, and sucks all your energy, you know you have to do this for him. Breathe woman. You can do this. Even tho you don't feel like it right now, you are one strong bitch, and you are not going to let some lying selfish douchebag win. You are a fighter. But on the morning of your 21st bday, when you are exhausted and need some sleep, do not call him to come over, you will regret that fight for the rest of your life. Call your mother for help instead. She does care even if she acts like she doesn't. For real.

Dear 23 yr old me,

This horrible pregnancy is almost over. You are amazing. Being pregnant single mom was a bitch, and as much as you want this damn baby out of you, try to enjoy being pregnant. Because it's not going to happen again, and it will make you sad that you never enjoyed it. Once that daughter of yours is born, you are going to have her father around a bunch and life is going to get interesting. Did I not tell you a decade ago to lay off the boys? Geez woman. It will be hard, but the two of you will figure it out, and it will transform itself into a very good thing. I promise. He will understand you and let you be your crazy self, and love you for it. He will make you laugh when you feel like the world is ending. So just breathe. You will not be single mommy of two for long. It will be ok. Life gets happy soon. You deserve it. So calm the eff down and enjoy being pregnant. I'm very proud of you.

Dear 25 yr old me,

You deserve this happiness so quit being worried it's going to go away. You've fought enough and deserve some good, so calm down and enjoy this. Stop worrying. You'll get wrinkles.

xoxo,

Lizzy

i have to commit

suggested by @runaway_tweets

dress is tight

boots are zipped

drink in hand

lets find trouble

he's right there

looking your way

visions of nudity

and champagne bubbles

hot wax

and handcuffs

ripped fishnet

and more

are encouraging

your move

to him

then to the dance floor

bodies entwined

grind to the beat

'i want you

all over me'

he whispers

in your ear

hearts pounding

yet you feel free

nights over

time to go

the excitement

is overwhelming

as he pulls you

into his cab

i have to commit

to him this evening

wrapped in a midnight blue blanket

suggested by my twitter girly @canyonwalker.

nothing on tv tonight

mindless chatter

haunted by the ticking

of the clock

you want to look, but don't

he's out somewhere

and you're not with him

instead

you're wrapped in a midnight blue blanket

crying on the couch

wishing this wasn't your life

wishing you had a way out

wishing there was more liquor

wishing for anything

but this

it hurts to think

Suggested by @CAMHOAPAMM.

this situation makes me twitch

anger makes the world spin

fists are ready to go

it hurts to think

so i wont

react on impulse

act with rage

Animosity runs through my veins

and you're my victim

so run for your life

fury is my fuel

i will get you

Until you looked me in the eyes

Wrote this bad boy in high school too. It's fun going through my old stuff. Enjoy! I remember being really proud of this one when it was finished. It's very high school.

Until you looked me in the eyes

I was crying on the grass

The morning I met you

I remember the moment perfectly

Sitting the in the morning dew

I felt like I was so alone

Until you looked me in the eyes

I felt the sparks go through me

I knew you were only mine

No one else could have you

'Cuz I fell in love right then

I know you think that's impossible

Because we were only seven

The next years went quickly

You became my very best friend

Through the bad time and the good

We saw each other to the end

Something unexpected happens

When you look me in the eyes

This time you kissed me

And caught me by surprise

We pretended it didn't happen

I didn't know what to say

You thought I was mad

So you went your own way

I missed you like crazy

Cried every single night

It was then I realized

I fell in love at first sight

I didn't want to believe

You loved someone else

I couldn't handle life without you

I was so depressed

Everyday added to the pain

Finally I lost all control

You heard about it from a friend

And told me we're still one soul

I was crying on the grass

Once again, saved by you

I remember the moment perfectly

There, in the early morning dew

I feel like I'm so alone

Until you look me in the eyes

I feel the sparks go through me

I know you're only mine

No one else can have you

We fell in love right then

You know now, thats possible

That's why we kissed again

Poems are like cars

Found my book of writing from high school! Holy bananas! Here's one of em!

Poems

are like

cars,

always speeding,

leaving you behind

in the dust,

dashing ahead

of you

letting you be

free

taking you

to wonderful new

destinations

Happy Fathers Day!

Happy Fathers Day to those that deserve it!! I wanna take a minute and thank all that read my Fathers Day series on here. Those poems were hard. and liberating. and thank you! I love and appreciate my readers more than you know! xoxo!

Now onto the good stuff!

I know a man

who's existence is honorable

He mirrors patience

and love

and understanding

He is kind

and supportive

and easy to be with

He accepts you

for who you are you

your faults

your achievements

your everything

He doesn't judge

and he loves unconditionally

He has taught me how a man

should love a woman

and what real love is

He has taught me

what being a parent is

He is a great man

One of the best

His patience

and love

and understanding

transformed me

from the angry teenage girl

I was

to the woman

I now am

Gratitude is by far,

an understatement

for this man

who's existence is honorable

(you know who you are, I love you!, Liz)

Mischief at its best

This one was inspired by my crazy beautiful daughter. Bless her trouble making, love giving heart.

'I'm bored' thinks the toddler

What can I do?

Mommy is busy cleaning again

and I can feel

mischievousness setting in

Do I play with my toys?

Or should I bug my brother?

Where is the little kitty hiding?

because I really really love her

There's the fridge to get into

I can always find something in there

Oh no, my nose is running

Better wipe it on my bro's teddy bear

The guinea pigs are squeaking

so I run as fast as possible to say hi

I throw their food around the room and

If Mommy asks me about it I'll just lie

Oh snap! She found me!

I didn't hear her coming!

She asks who made the mess

I tell her 'I don't know' and laugh 'cuz I'm funny

Mommy asks me to be a good girl

so she can go back to cleaning

I say 'ok mommy' and give her a smile

Then get into her make up

oops! just broke her nail file...

Fathers Day pt 3

I hear him talking

but I don't understand

The baby kicks

making this confusing fog heavy

too heavy

The world is spinning and

I hear him talking

but I don't understand

He's leaving me

He's leaving me?

for her?

but the baby's kicking

our baby is kicking

His baby that is in my uterus

is kicking

Have the last four years meant nothing?

I thought we were in love

I gasp for air

hoping that helps the confusion

the confusion

has created a haze around me so

I can hear him talking

but I don't understand

We're having a baby

and he's moving out?

He's moving in with her?

but we've spent 4 years together!

and we're having a baby!

We're making our family!

Someone is screaming

"I hate you, I hate you"

over and over and

when I realize it's me

I give in to the pain

and collapse

the baby is still kicking

our baby is still kicking?

My baby is still kicking

so as i sob uncontrollably

I hold my 8 month pregnant belly

and somehow calm him down

so I can let the denial I've been living in

disappear

Father Day pt 2

This one is about my sons father. I figure get the hard ones out first, and then we can move on to happiness. Enjoy! xoxo

its 4 am and you're still alone

laying in bed

as far away from sleep as possible

how could he do this to you?

anxiety pulses through your veins

anger flows through your heart

and confusion paralyzes you

you love him

and you thought he loved you

but here you lie alone

carrying his child

while he's out with her

you wonder what his excuse will be this time

what dirty lie will come out his mouth

the mouth you have kissed

and loved

he belongs to you

and he's out with her

the confusion hurts your body

you hold your breathe and wait

wait for the pain to pass

you are startled by a sound

and you realize you're sobbing

again

your unborn child kicks

and your heart hurts

this isn't how it's supposed to be

you had visions of family

and joy

and love

confusion and hurt and agony

weren't any part of your plan

and here they are,

in control of you

baby moves inside your womb again

as if to give you the love you need

but how do you love right now?

how do you give your precious creation

the love he deserves

how do you survive this?

Fathers Day pt 1

In the spirit of the upcoming Fathers Day, I have decided to write poems all week about my experiences with the dads in my life. There are a few of them, so I should get a few poems out of it. Warning. It's gonna get personal. and deep.

Enjoy. xoxo

a young girl

frightened

hides in her room

and hugs her teddy bear

he's yelling again

and throwing things

and threatening

so she hides under the blankets

and closes her eyes

and sleeps til he's done

she's older now

still frightened, but now a little angry

tired of walking on eggshells

her feet are cut up and bleeding

and she wants a break

from the yelling

and the violence

and the threatening

so she sits in her closet

and closes her eyes

and cries til its done

a teenage girl

full of fear and anger

doesn't know what love is

covered in blood from the eggshells

she needs a break

from the yelling

and the violence

and the threatening

so she lies about where she is

and she ignores the war

and parties away the pain

a young woman

hates who she is

found someone just like him

to fall in love with

maybe she deserves it

all the yelling

and the violence

and the threatening

so she turns to partying

to help with the pain

and ends up pregnant

a single mom

alone, betrayed, hurt

she is confused and scared

and wants to die

she can barely take care of herself

let alone her new baby

but she holds him close to her

and promises

No yelling

No violence

No threatening

I love you and I will keep you safe.

(to be continued)

i am hot and sticky

Suggested by my sister! If you're into photography, you can check out her website here. If you're on facebook, you can like her page here. Have I pimped her out enough? yes? ok! on with poetry!!

warning- this one gets a little dirty. (i've been drinking. and let's face it, I'm female.) if you are young, you probably shouldn't be reading this. turn away young one! turn away!!

ok, now on with it!

Passion is pulsing

I need you

Touch me

Erotica intended

Need me

Humidity rising

Sensual contact

You want me

Impulse takes over

Intense pleasure

Our bodies in sync

Tell me what you want

I am hot

I am sticky

and I am yours

Control me

if I ruled the world.

This was suggested by my twitter girly @andygirl. The poem she previously wrote for my poetry project can be found here. You can follow her on twitter here. If you are on facebook, you should 'like' her page. because it's good. If you haven't figured out yet that she is the bomb, I will just tell you. She is the bomb.

if i ruled the world

being free spirited would come naturally

judgement would be non existent

and everyone would love each other

if i ruled the world

heartbreak wouldn't exist

love wouldn't be painful

and no one would lie

if i ruled the world

creativity would reign

joy would be constant

and peace would be felt daily

if i ruled the world

sadness would be unavailable

depression impossible

and loneliness void

if i ruled the world

positivity would influence all

happiness conquers

and dreams are acheived

What a good place this would be,

if i ruled the world.

love is over. move is over, life begins

Suggested by @meredithblumoff. She has had a rough few weeks. Send her some love here.

The sun shines in

on a room

full of boxes and dust

you're tired

but there is work to do

Your heart is broken

and your house is in shambles

and you want a break

from all of this

but there isn't enough time

Moving day arrives faster

with each tick of the tock

and your heart should be healing

but it feels like it's not

Before you know it,

your possessions are in boxes

in the back of the truck

Driving across the country

leaves you too much time to think

of memories, and past love,

This drive is an emotional one

Leaving the old is scary

but starting over is liberating

Before you know it you've arrived

It takes a few days

to get it all in order,

and when you catch a second to think

you realize

Love is over

Move is over

Life begins

he'd be a free man today

Suggested by @runaway_tweets! You can follow her here!

Thunder rolls outside

perhaps my pounding headache?

side affect of emotional build up I'm sure

Rain cascades down

or are those my tears?

Sadness leads to the confusion

I'm feeling

so much to be said

and no one to say it to

Lost

Alone

Guilty

ashamed of decisions

in my past

I suppose Hell has an open seat

for me

and if I'm lucky

a bucket of popcorn

he'd be a free man today

the best man I've known

would have been free today

If it weren't for my selfishness

and my fear

What a nightmare this has been

He wasn't innocent either

he was the best man I've known

admitting his sins

and taking the blame for mine.

People have suffered

and now

regret surrounds all I do

he'd be a free man today

but instead I'm alone

Somehow

Somehow

between new baby smell and soft hair

colic and naptime

snuggles and the perfectness that is baby love

endless laundry and sleepless nights

bubble baths and dirty diapers

emotional tornadoes and the fight to not give up

your precious new baby

transformed

into a toddler

and you don't know how

or when

this happened

so you crawl into bed with your lil monster

while she's sleeping

and your lips brush her perfect little cheek

and the spark that is felt

is unexplainable

unexplainable perfect love

that only a mother could understand

and you realize that no matter

how old she gets

she will always be your precious baby

Thank you!

I started this blog to have a place for my writing. As long as I can remember, I've loved writing poetry, and a blog just for it seemed perfect! I started my poetry project to get some inspiration. I was having somewhat of a writers block, and had an idea to ask my twitter friends to send me a line for me to write a poem with. I honestly didn't think that anyone would be interested, and was very excited when a few were! I then had the idea to ask those interested to write for me! I'd send them a line, and they'd have a guest spot on my blog! This whole thing has been very exciting, and inspiring, and I wanna send a HUGE thank you to those that have written, suggested lines, and followed along. I love you all!! And appreciate your support in my creative journey more than you know! I would be so content if my beloved poetry project lasted forever!! Much Love!!

xoxo

Lizzy

look to the clouds for inspiration

Guest writer!!! @andygirl. You can follow her here.

feeling dead

not dead exactly

void

void of feeling

of life

of spark

of emotion

any emotion will do

the lack consumes me

eats away at the empty space

gnawing

feeling naught but a strange hunger

I lie here

fully awake

waiting for life to find me

searching tentatively

with an inch of my soul

not moving my heart

it waits to beat

encased safely in its box

Then

then

I feel a slight breeze

wafting brazen comfort across my face

brazen with hope

I had forgotten

and like that she is gone

hope

fickle as she is

yet my core is teased

for the first time I open my eyes

and see

the world has changed above me

shifted

rearranged by the wind

beautiful though slight

moved

something bubbles up

gushing from somewhere I’d left behind

powerful

what but emotion

emotions, all

suddenly pregnant with feeling

sobbing with all I have

tears flood my face

and then the ground beneath me

each drop contains a portion

of my essence

anger, joy, passion, sorrow

passion

passion clings to my skin

seizes my being

pulls my heart out of its cage

pumping it with life

I look up yet again

wiping the wet from my cheeks

and I feel

fuck bees

This poetic gem was suggested by @gordondew. You can follow him here.

You spend your life looking for the perfect flower

it has to have the right shape, and the right colors

smell good, but not too strong.

It should accentuate your features

and not steal the attention from you

You spend a lot of energy and time

looking for the perfect flower

Once you find it

it is yours

You do not want some random bee flying around your flower

Some may think this bee is harmless,

a beautiful part of nature

but you know the truth

You're not naive

You've been stung before

You remember the pain

Fuck bees